A common frustration from educators, parents, caregivers, and youth workers is “My kids don’t listen to me,” or “That consequence didn’t work.” One way to solve this common issue is to evaluate whether strategies for consequences are helping to create meaningful long-term changes as opposed to short-term fixes.
Sure, we all wish there was a magical way we could snap our fingers and make problematic behaviors disappear. But what adults really need when proactive techniques and other corrective measures don’t work are effective consequences.
Add This To Your Toolbox
Along with all of your other proactive and corrective behavior management tools (GET PAST, Dialoguing, and Positive and Corrective Feedback), effective consequences play a vital role in helping children learn from their mistakes and feel empowered to make better choices in the future.
Consequences vs Punishment
Consequences are not the same as punishment, though they are often perceived as such. Punishment is a form of negative discipline and is not likely to change kids’ behavior in the long term. The purpose of punishment is to end inappropriate behaviors using retribution which is imposed by adults.
A consequence, on the other hand, follows naturally from an action, inaction, or poor decision. Consequences happen as a result of a choice; punishments are imposed. Consequences empower children to make better choices, while punishment does not.
Consequences are not punishments—although they may feel that way at times. They are a good way for kids to learn that there are natural outcomes in life.
5 Keys to Effective Consequences
- Make sure consequences are known in advance. Plan consequences in advance by making a list of common misbehaviors and corresponding consequences. Communicate them to your students clearly to help them understand expectations.
- Follow through in a timely manner. If you set a consequence for a behavior, it’s critical to follow through and enforce the consequence so children experience the result of their behavior. This also helps create a safe and supportive environment because your students know what to expect of you. Consequences are most effective when the follow through is immediate. If there is a delay the child will have a more difficult time connecting their behavior to the consequence.
- Don’t go overboard. Taking away privileges for an entire week may be tempting, but prolonged consequences can lose their power and meaning.
- Be flexible. Every child is different and consequences are meaningless if they don’t affect the child’s behavior. Withdrawing a privilege that isn’t important to that particular child is a meaningless consequence. For example, having a child sit out of PE for fooling around in the locker room would not be an effective consequence if the child doesn’t like PE to begin with.
- Use positive consequences, too. Not all consequences have to be negative. Use positive consequences to prevent negative behaviors. For example, “If everyone can play without pushing or fighting over the ball, we’ll go outside tomorrow to play basketball again.”
Consequences That Work
For consequences to be effective, they must also make sense to the child and be used sensibly by the adult. Let’s dive in a little deeper to understand what that means.
Use consequences sparingly
Try other behavior management tools first for most issues. Typically, a child is looking for a caring adult to listen to them, help them solve a problem, and meet them where they are.
Only use consequences for behaviors that absolutely cannot be tolerated like pushing or shoving, hitting or kicking, cursing, or name-calling; or when other methods aren’t working.
Be sure to match the consequence with the infraction
Before delivering a consequence, there are three questions to ask yourself:
- Does the severity of the consequence match the severity of the infraction?
- Is the consequence related to or can it be logically tied to the infraction?
- Is the consequence reasonable for the child’s age and level of development?
Let’s look at a few examples:
Behavior: Michael is playing with things on the teacher’s desk and they fall onto the floor and are scattered around.
Sensible consequence: He can’t go outside for recess until all the things are picked up and put back.
Not-so-sensible consequence: He loses recess. This consequence is too severe and is not tied to the behavior.
Behavior: Trey called Lena a mean name during circle time.
Sensible consequence: Explain to Trey his words were not kind and caring. Trey must go to his desk to write an apology note to Lena.
Not-so-sensible consequence: Trey must stand in the hallway without speaking for 10 minutes. Again, this consequence is not tied to the behavior.
Tips For Effective Facilitation and Implementation
- Stay cool and collected as best you can in the moment and try not to take a student’s actions or words personally. Losing your temper can result in consequences that are too severe or unrealistic.
- Be consistent. Kids may test your boundaries, so remember to enforce consequences consistently and in a timely manner.
- Make it brief. Lecturing often leads to kids tuning out, so make it clear, quick, and simple.
- Avoid multiple warnings. Repeated warnings may cause a child to think you are not serious and ignore you.
- Be patient. It may take time for consequences to work, but be persistent and don’t give up.
It takes strength and resolve to allow kids to experience the consequences of their decisions. Effective consequences are one of the mightiest tools in your toolbox and one that requires practice and skill to wield. Positive discipline techniques like effective consequences can be instrumental in helping kids turn things around. A comprehensive approach, which includes using consequences, motivates them to improve their behavior and often brings the added bonus of helping to improve your relationship with them, too.
